Some days I’m pulled between who God wants me to be and who my flesh says I am. It’s a bitter fight that leaves me feeling empty and alone, down and depressed. Often, I give in to the wrong side of the fight. I choose complacency for fear of the unknown.
I guess you could say it’s all about perspective. A lot of times I wait for a call from God with anxiety, like He’s about to throw a fastball at me, and I stand there with my eyes squeezed shut and my arms tucked into my body to protect myself from being pelted. If only I could have my eyes glued on the ball, running to it and reaching for it the moment it flies in my direction, then I would be able to enjoy the fun of it all.
My reality is that I go to school everyday with 33,000 other students. That doesn’t even count the other thousands of deans, professors, custodians, assistants, mailmen, managers, or anyone else who works there, day in and day out. When I get nudge from the Spirit to go up to just one person and share my faith, every nerve in my body freezes. My soul tenses up and crawls away from the opportunity, and the defeating sense of regret can be pretty numbing.
I share this because I’m sure I’m not alone in this feeling (at least I hope I’m not). I want to encourage you and myself to see the calls of our Father truly as the gifts that they are. It’s hard; I know it fully. But I’m convinced that the treasures that lie in the calling are far greater than the comforts of complacency, and I don’t want to miss out on that.
If anything, let’s pray for one another, that we may have the faith to never give up.